My Place, My Name,My Journery and My Stand!!

I am back!Well,with a title that may confuse few,but will simply tell what I am going to write or scribble below. As  I have mentioned in previous posts, introductions baffels me. When Mahesh jumps to make a blockbuster entry admist vegitables( Highly edible ones, mind you!) or Ram Charan jumps and turns around in  air to reveal his face or when a tiger jumps into a burning hoop and comes out as NTR Jr.  one would get some adreline rush and that sets the pace of a story. But, Its me, A small time aspiring writer. How am I supposed to sky rocket your expecations on my small write up ?

Hmm... Well, Never Mind!Let me be honest and write whatever I feel is right.  I don't want to steal all those glorious introductions of  our T-Town heros.
   
    Now lets get started with what I am supposed to write here. aa... umm .. by the way shall we?


"Eh... Come here.. You Girls! Seniors are calling? Can't you hear?"

( ఏ? seniors  పిలిస్తే.. ఇనపడట్లేదా?ఇటు రండి!"
we went to them slowly.. I am not sure.. if the other girls are afraid or not.. but I was never afraid.. you know.. in our campus.. ragging never goes over board.. its fun.. to know seniors.. to have some reputation.. but...finally it feels good.. when someone pays attention to you.. and you have no obligation to return that attention to them.. all you have to do is pretend that you are afraid.. so.. the

senior who called me asked me.. "Which place do you belong?" (ఏ ఊరు మనది?).. I really don't know how to answer this question...which place should I say is mine.. I was born in Gudiwada... raised in Tirupati.. completed my primary in Anantapur and completed my secondary school in Nellore. I thought of saying so for a moment.. but I know I would make a fool of myself if I say so.. why would anyone want to hear your life story.. just because he made a  mistake of asking you a question...? and by the time I decided a place among four towns.. he overlooked me...because I was.. well to tell the truth.. there are so many good looking girls in college and that day.. they are behind me.. so my

senior said before I can answer "You May Go" (hmm class కి పో ఇంక.. బా చదువుకో). Well to be very frank... I was rather disappointed that day...why on earth is he not interested in asking my name at the very least..? I held my head down.. clutched my books tight.. ( they might have thought that I am afraid of them) and walked into my classroom.. took a bench and stared into an empty book.. I am afraid.. to start a conversation... I would rather die ... I really don't know.. how to strike a conversation with a person whom I don't know .. I mean isn't it awkward? the girl beside me gave me a look and went back to her animated conversation with another girl on her other side... I was surprised.. how come a class of all new comers can be this boisterous.. I was in last bench... I noticed this when a teacher entered our class... the girl next to me called me and said.. "hey, I am keerthi!

what is your name?" ( నా పేరు కీర్తి! నీ పెరేంటి?)  I looked at her.. now am I supposed to tell her my name? I want to call my mom right now and yell at her... why should there be a name at all? Look at this girl's name..Keerthi.. How beautiful it is! and my name.. I mean.. it disgusts me!! Why can't anyone just talk to you without asking your name? why is this world obssessed with names?
I was thinking all these stuff.. then she asked me again " Are you new to this place? Do you live in a

 hostel? Don't worry.. talk to me" (ఊరుకి కొత్తా?Hostel లొ ఉంటున్నావా? భయపడకు.. చెప్పు నీ పేరు?) wait a minute... I am not afraid you silly little girl.. I was just lost in thoughts... oh ok now.. tell her your name.. its inevitable.. " My name is Ba.. hmm  Saroja"  ( నా పేరు బె ..  సరొజ )... and then teacher started lesson.. I didn't get a chance to extend the conversation with the girl.. well to be specific, with keerthi.

Next Day: last Bench ( Apparently Hostel girls come down early to the class and occupy all the first benches and we who come by college bus has to sit last)

Next Day: Last Bench

Next Day: Last Bench

Next Day: I stood up! Radhika maam said "Yes!"  and I asked her a doubt.. I seriously don't  remember  what I have asked.. but I was sure enough that my entire class and maam took a good notice of the girl.. who sat in last bench, and who listened to the lesson, and who had a doubt in it, and that doubt is way beyond  normal doubts and above all.. she stood up and asked it out... infront of the class... ( I never know its a Iginominy to ask question in a class from last bench!)

Next Day: I stood up! Maam said "Yes!" ..
"I don't want to sit here maam! Its not audile"
"There is no place in first bench right.. what do you want me to do dear?"
"Well, if that is okay with you I would like to sit in the empty first bench of the middle row "
"You mean in the boys row?"
"Yes mam.. I would prefer that rather than sitting in a last bench"
There was hushed silence all over the class...
My professor smiled and said...
"Come over dear... anyone else want to join her?"
Then keerthi and other girl also joined me.
I can feel every one's eyes on the girl who asked the permission of a lecturer to sit in a boys row first bench...  I didn't feel bad, sad  and was not afraid at that moment. But what I didn't know at that time is.. that's a seed.. for something else...

 Soon everyone forgot me.. what I did the other day... I was every teacher's pet, well almost every teacher's.. give the class a problem.. 1235 will do it.. She was one of the best students.. She never talks much, she never does any misdeeds, she is good... and life was going on peacefully.. then suddenly.. my english sir.. asked something..that hit me like a jolt... I was writing something in english.. then suddenly he called me.. "Who is Baby Saroja Nimmagadda" Its like awakening me from a deep sleep, by splashing ice cold water on me.. my heart skipped a beat.. every one looked at me.. I stood up.. now all of them have a menacing smile on their faces.. now we know your secret you little **RD
oh.. I want to cry.. run... hide my face.. duck some where.. everyone knows my name.. yes I am Baby Saroja.. now what? but to my surprise everyone forgot it soon enough... I felt releived.. and by now every one was used to this name Saroja.. so no one ever called me Baby Saroja..

 All through my First year I waited for some one to rag me.. but noone did.. Every girl used to say all her stories... like how almost all good looking seniors are going gaga over her.. and how she ignored him.. how irritated she is with all this happening around her.. I mean is it that irritating? I never knew.. they used to call my friend who sits next to me in bus.. but never me! I waited there in a half filled college bus seat a whole year for some one to come and rag me.. know about me.. talk to me.. give attention to me.. but no one did... No one did.. I wanted to tell this to one of my friends.. but I was afraid..what  if she thinks I am a crazy girl..  So, on the last day of my first year I have decided.. I will rag my juniors.. like anything...

Next Year:
" Yeah! Come Here!" I asked a girl... she came to me.. she is not pretending.. she came to me...
"Yes Maam".. she said..
 " Whats your name?"
"Sowmya"
"Baby Saroja!" someone called me out.. from behind.. I wanted to smash that person on face.. but unfortunately I cannot.. she is my hostel warden..
"Yes Maam"
"oh! good  Sowmya ! you are here too.. are you guys making friends...? cool then!"
hain? I am raggin this first year student and you say I am making friends ...? you stupid lady... and you just suspended 5 of my classmates just because they looked at junior girls? Maan I can't beleive this... why does every thing that I touch is such a disaster... why is there no fun in my life.. why is there no.. rule breaking or rebelling in my life???? I stood there watching stupidly into.. void even after warden and sowmya left ( this sowmya.. later became my best buddy).. but what about my wilder side...  I didn't know what was wrong with me...


A week later:

Suresh: "Keerthi, can you please ask saroja to lend her book?"

Keerthi:"సురేష్ కి నీ బూక్ కావలంటే"

I looked around... faced suresh and asked him

" Why don't you ask me directly?"

" I am afraid to talk to you.."

"What? But why?"

" I am afraid to talk to you because you wont spare anyone who soils your books right!"

"Yes, that's right then you can ask me, take my book and return it to me as it is.."

" Well, still I am afraid of you"

I really didn't know what to do... so my classmates.. are afraid of me!!!

Three Years Later:

 "Who are you?"
" I am Saroja"
"Who?"
" I am Baby Saroja"
"oh... is that you.. I was laughing all along these semisters looking your name on notice boards.. who is that lady who has Baby as her first name... ha ha ha ..  Well I am Abhishek"

Now that day.. I was enlightened suddenly,instinctively...and I understood something about myself...

I ran through college corridors and into my hostel.. ran all the way upto terrace.. and I yelled at myself...

"YOU ARE A NERD you jerk and you wonder why people don't make friends with you?"

So that was me  a few years ago...

After  6 years, I like thinking back.. about how  I used to think, how I used to feel bad about myself.. how I waited for attention...  I never regret being a Nerd  though.Today when someone asks me.. where do you belong.. I know... I just know... I belong to a place where I stay currently and all the other places belong to my memories...
and my name.. good or bad.. fancy or not... I want to make it big... larger than me... hopefully one day I will and  my stand... Life... is all about growing :)

P.S: Please ignore the spell checks, I haven't proof read it.. will correct in a while..